Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Lately I have been...
... rejoicing about the fact that my newborn only gets up once during the night
... exhausted because that the one waking is for over an hour
... frustrated with Levi's nursing issues
... anticipating an upcoming consultation with a Speech Language Pathologist at the Breastfeeding Clinic in regards to said nursing issue
... hoping the Zantac was the miracle cure, but it is not
... inspecting the color of the aforementioned newborns poo
... struggling to find time to shower, and brush my teeth
... needing my morning coffee
... not eating breakfast until almost lunch time
... doing so much laundry (it's really quite something)
... hearing a lot of tantrums from boy wonder #1
... saying a lot of "Be gentle with Levi, that was not gentle, Asher. You need to say sorry"
... missing my one-on-one time with Asher
... astonished by how big Asher seems
... working on potty training with Asher
... getting out a bit (thank you to my mom who cared for both of my boys for Greg and I to have supper out - dream!)
... reminded that I actually like spending time with my husband
... looking forward to my favorite Indian restaurant this week
... celebrating a lot of birthdays! (Happy Birthday Brooke, MB, Josiah, Diana, and my dad!)
... celebrating the one-month birthday of Levi
... super sad about saying good-bye to a friend and her family who are moving to Montreal (we will miss you guys SOOO much!)
... entertaining more than usual at my house
... skipping out on church because of Levi's nursing issues (a screaming newborn in the middle of a sermon is not a fun time)
... trying to stay connected to The Big Guy through music
... missing Big Brother but loving that Oprah and House have restarted
... into reading "The Help" - awesome book so far
... struggling to find the time to blog and to manage to get all the words and thoughts floating around in my head out somehow (have grace, dear readers, plenty of grace...)
... exhausted because that the one waking is for over an hour
... frustrated with Levi's nursing issues
... anticipating an upcoming consultation with a Speech Language Pathologist at the Breastfeeding Clinic in regards to said nursing issue
... hoping the Zantac was the miracle cure, but it is not
... inspecting the color of the aforementioned newborns poo
... struggling to find time to shower, and brush my teeth
... needing my morning coffee
... not eating breakfast until almost lunch time
... doing so much laundry (it's really quite something)
... hearing a lot of tantrums from boy wonder #1
... saying a lot of "Be gentle with Levi, that was not gentle, Asher. You need to say sorry"
... missing my one-on-one time with Asher
... astonished by how big Asher seems
... working on potty training with Asher
... getting out a bit (thank you to my mom who cared for both of my boys for Greg and I to have supper out - dream!)
... reminded that I actually like spending time with my husband
... looking forward to my favorite Indian restaurant this week
... celebrating a lot of birthdays! (Happy Birthday Brooke, MB, Josiah, Diana, and my dad!)
... celebrating the one-month birthday of Levi
... super sad about saying good-bye to a friend and her family who are moving to Montreal (we will miss you guys SOOO much!)
... entertaining more than usual at my house
... skipping out on church because of Levi's nursing issues (a screaming newborn in the middle of a sermon is not a fun time)
... trying to stay connected to The Big Guy through music
... missing Big Brother but loving that Oprah and House have restarted
... into reading "The Help" - awesome book so far
... struggling to find the time to blog and to manage to get all the words and thoughts floating around in my head out somehow (have grace, dear readers, plenty of grace...)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
From the mouth of....
Asher
Mama: "Asher, did Papa make your bed this morning?"
(pitter patter of little feet as Asher runs into his room to check)
Asher: "No Mama, it's... it's... it's... "
(puzzled look comes across Asher's face as he tries to figure out how to word this)
Asher: "... it's opened Mama. Papa not make the bed"
Levi
Levi: "waa, waa, waa"
(then the sound of gushing liquid coming out of Levi's mouth as moments later I feel it running down the inside of my shirt)
Man I do love these boys!
Mama: "Asher, did Papa make your bed this morning?"
(pitter patter of little feet as Asher runs into his room to check)
Asher: "No Mama, it's... it's... it's... "
(puzzled look comes across Asher's face as he tries to figure out how to word this)
Asher: "... it's opened Mama. Papa not make the bed"
Levi
Levi: "waa, waa, waa"
(then the sound of gushing liquid coming out of Levi's mouth as moments later I feel it running down the inside of my shirt)
Man I do love these boys!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Wet
Pee. Mustard colored poops. Spit-up. Breast milk. Leaky eyes.
These first few weeks of mothering my second newborn have been wet. Plenty wet. Breast milk splashes on faces and fingers and floors. Spit-up on shoulders and sheets. Burps and diaper blow outs galore. We are always covered in wet spots of some sort, me and my youngest boy.
Drool. Diaper rashes. Tantrums. Sloppy kisses.
The 2-year old is wet too. Molars pushing through, emotions bursting out. Uncontainable. All that he is, all that he is becoming, all that he is trying to figure out - it spills out and we are left to sort through it and try to put him back together again. He amazes me and worries me and makes me laugh and makes me cry and tires me out.
Washing machines. Dishwashers. Brooms and mops.
4 people living in one house 24/7 leads to a lot more dirty everything. I forgot how much laundry there would be; a new receiving blanket 500 times a day. Grass stained jeans to scrub. Crumbs to sweep up and toys to pick up and mouths to feed. The to do list never ends.
Night sweats. Hormones. Tears.
I'm so easily set off, I'm hormonal. I wake up, shivering and sweaty, to a crying baby in the middle of dark nights. He cries, I cry. I forgot how many tears of sorrow and frustration and sadness there would be. I forgot how much work figuring it all out would take. And joy. I forgot what crying for joy feels like. Crying for the pure love of another soul. Overtaken. Love spilling out. I forgot about this, until, through all this wetness, they reminded me.
These first few weeks of mothering my second newborn have been wet. Plenty wet. Breast milk splashes on faces and fingers and floors. Spit-up on shoulders and sheets. Burps and diaper blow outs galore. We are always covered in wet spots of some sort, me and my youngest boy.
Drool. Diaper rashes. Tantrums. Sloppy kisses.
The 2-year old is wet too. Molars pushing through, emotions bursting out. Uncontainable. All that he is, all that he is becoming, all that he is trying to figure out - it spills out and we are left to sort through it and try to put him back together again. He amazes me and worries me and makes me laugh and makes me cry and tires me out.
Washing machines. Dishwashers. Brooms and mops.
4 people living in one house 24/7 leads to a lot more dirty everything. I forgot how much laundry there would be; a new receiving blanket 500 times a day. Grass stained jeans to scrub. Crumbs to sweep up and toys to pick up and mouths to feed. The to do list never ends.
Night sweats. Hormones. Tears.
I'm so easily set off, I'm hormonal. I wake up, shivering and sweaty, to a crying baby in the middle of dark nights. He cries, I cry. I forgot how many tears of sorrow and frustration and sadness there would be. I forgot how much work figuring it all out would take. And joy. I forgot what crying for joy feels like. Crying for the pure love of another soul. Overtaken. Love spilling out. I forgot about this, until, through all this wetness, they reminded me.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
2 weeks
In the past 2 weeks I have...
... given birth, and made more strange noises than I ever thought humanly possible doing so
... had 2 "most embarrassing" moments, one involving 2 nurses and a flash light in search of my urethra, and another involving an overly active reaction to some stool softeners
... cried myself sick with worry over Levi's low blood sugar and stay in the NICU
... lost 20 pounds
... produced a lot of breast milk, and worn many an ounce of it
... lost too many hours of sleep to count
... fought with my husband more than I would have liked to over things that don't really matter
... been frustrated with our breastfeeding issues involving a screaming, crying infant for reasons yet unknown (possible causes on the table: thrush, over active let down reflex, gas, acid reflux)
... been lonely and teary and hurting for various reasons
... wiped my 2-year olds nose a million times
... watched said sick 2-year old with equal parts caution and joy begin to want to love and cuddle his new brother
... hobbled around due to back pain and had my first chiropractor's appointment
... fallen more and more in love with the 2 little boys that reside in my house
... started to define a new normal that still seems really scary and unknown to me
Welcome to our world Levi - I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks since you arrived. My world has changed so much in that short time, and you have been worth every last second of it!
... given birth, and made more strange noises than I ever thought humanly possible doing so
... had 2 "most embarrassing" moments, one involving 2 nurses and a flash light in search of my urethra, and another involving an overly active reaction to some stool softeners
... cried myself sick with worry over Levi's low blood sugar and stay in the NICU
... lost 20 pounds
... produced a lot of breast milk, and worn many an ounce of it
... lost too many hours of sleep to count
... fought with my husband more than I would have liked to over things that don't really matter
... been frustrated with our breastfeeding issues involving a screaming, crying infant for reasons yet unknown (possible causes on the table: thrush, over active let down reflex, gas, acid reflux)
... been lonely and teary and hurting for various reasons
... wiped my 2-year olds nose a million times
... watched said sick 2-year old with equal parts caution and joy begin to want to love and cuddle his new brother
... hobbled around due to back pain and had my first chiropractor's appointment
... fallen more and more in love with the 2 little boys that reside in my house
... started to define a new normal that still seems really scary and unknown to me
Welcome to our world Levi - I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks since you arrived. My world has changed so much in that short time, and you have been worth every last second of it!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
By comparison...
As per request from a friend, here is a photo of Asher at about 1-2 weeks of age:
And here is a photo of Levi at the same age:
And here is a photo of Levi at the same age:
I don't really think they look much alike at all, but they do have the same high foreheads, full lips, and all my love :)
Friday, September 3, 2010
creamy dill
I just ate way too many of my favorite chips, creamy dill, and it's the middle of the afternoon. I wonder if it's because... ... these chips are darn good
... I saw a chip commercial while catching up on Big Brother
... I'm nursing, and starving
... I'm bored
... I'm tired
... I'm drained
... I'm hormonal
... I'm grieving
... I'm frustrated
... I'm concerned
... I'm worried
... I'm missing certain people
... I'm second guessing some choices
... I'm postpartum and all over the map emotionally
I'm going with a little bit of all of that. Today is just one of those days.
(Just as a note, this has nothing to do at all with questioning our decision to have Levi. I love him dearly and wouldn't change this for the world. There's a lot going on in life in general, and I just wanted to be extra, extra clear that this is not about him)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Happy...
... due date day, Levi. I'm so glad you're here already!
... first bath!
... sleeping 4 hour stretch last night!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Levi's birth story
Lovely little Levi, this story is for you. This is how you came into the world...
My OB/GYN stripped my membranes Tuesday August 24 - this was a good thing - I was so ready to be done being pregnant! Don't get me wrong, I loved experiencing pregnancy with you - all your sweet little movements and constant hiccups - but the heat of the summer was tough stuff! The doctor said that I was 2.5 cm dilated at this point, and I felt so excited about that! A little bit closer to getting to meet you. That day I experienced some mild cramping and bleeding; I was really hoping this show would get on the road.
On Wednesday August 25 I spent the morning at our local outdoor water park with your big brother Asher and some friends. I basically sat in a lounge chair all morning while my lovely friends took turns bringing Asher in the water to play (THANK YOU ladies!). I started to have some cramping on and off at that point. This continued into the afternoon and evening, but was never very consistent for longer than 20 minutes at a time. The contractions were enough that I was starting to think tonight could be the night. Instead of doing the practical thing and going to bed early, I decided to stay up and watch Big Brother! When I did go to bed around 10 PM, the contractions started to come again, only this time they didn't stop! They came about every 5-7 minutes from 10 to 11. At this point we decided to call my mom and have her come to our house to be with Asher so we could go to the hospital. Before we left for the hospital, I went in Asher's room to kiss him good-bye and I was totally hit with "this is the last time I will see Asher as my only baby" moment. It was sad, and happy, and exciting, and weird all at the same time. We were also so very excited to meet you and have you join our family. Here's a picture of me before we left for the hospital.
That is the last picture ever of you in my tummy! I was feeling anxious, but definitely excited! We got to the hospital around midnight and I was already at 5 cm dilated! They admitted me into labour and delivery and I was anxious for this to happen. I was also started on antibiotics due to the Strep B that I had during pregnancy. The pain from the contractions was starting to become unbearable (giving birth is a tough job, you know) so I took my first dose of a drug called Fentanyl. This is a narcotic that gives some pain relief for 1 hour in duration. I definitely still fought and felt every single contraction, but the edge was definitely off.
I continued to labour with you from midnight until about 2 AM, during which time I dilated from 5 to 10 cm and had another dose of Fentanyl. Your papa was the most amazing supportive person I ever, ever could have asked for. He massaged me to help during every contraction, offered many words of encouragement, and was there for every need I had. The nurses that were with us commented numerous times that they should hire him, and asked if they could be next in line to receive a massage. You are very lucky to have him as a papa!
The hardest part of labour was making the transition from dilating to pushing. This phase is very intense and very, very painful. I made a lot of really embarrassing sounds at this point - I'm glad no one caught that on camera! Your papa encouraged me so much during this very hard time.
Then came time to push. Pushing is not as painful as dilating, but it is SO MUCH work! All the doctors said that I wouldn't have to push as long since this was my second pregnancy. With Asher I pushed for over 2 hours, so I was really hoping this would be true. I ended up pushing for close to an hour and a half with you, and it took every single ounce of my energy. There were many times I wanted to give up, but knowing that meeting you was just on the other side of this experience kept me motivated! Your papa was right there watching the whole thing.
Then you were born at 3:10 AM! You were placed on my belly right away and I was very aware and present in that moment. I distinctly remember seeing you, touching you, and hearing you. You were tiny, and goopy, and warm. I noticed how long your fingers and toes were right away and saw that you had lots of hair too. We got to cuddle for a good long time with you on my belly while the doctors cleaned me up (I had stitches this time again from tearing in the exact same spot as I did with Asher). It was so great to have the chance to see and be with you like this. I remember talking to you and saying "Welcome to the world Levi, we're so happy to meet you!". Here is one of your first pictures after being born while still on my belly.
My OB/GYN stripped my membranes Tuesday August 24 - this was a good thing - I was so ready to be done being pregnant! Don't get me wrong, I loved experiencing pregnancy with you - all your sweet little movements and constant hiccups - but the heat of the summer was tough stuff! The doctor said that I was 2.5 cm dilated at this point, and I felt so excited about that! A little bit closer to getting to meet you. That day I experienced some mild cramping and bleeding; I was really hoping this show would get on the road.
On Wednesday August 25 I spent the morning at our local outdoor water park with your big brother Asher and some friends. I basically sat in a lounge chair all morning while my lovely friends took turns bringing Asher in the water to play (THANK YOU ladies!). I started to have some cramping on and off at that point. This continued into the afternoon and evening, but was never very consistent for longer than 20 minutes at a time. The contractions were enough that I was starting to think tonight could be the night. Instead of doing the practical thing and going to bed early, I decided to stay up and watch Big Brother! When I did go to bed around 10 PM, the contractions started to come again, only this time they didn't stop! They came about every 5-7 minutes from 10 to 11. At this point we decided to call my mom and have her come to our house to be with Asher so we could go to the hospital. Before we left for the hospital, I went in Asher's room to kiss him good-bye and I was totally hit with "this is the last time I will see Asher as my only baby" moment. It was sad, and happy, and exciting, and weird all at the same time. We were also so very excited to meet you and have you join our family. Here's a picture of me before we left for the hospital.
That is the last picture ever of you in my tummy! I was feeling anxious, but definitely excited! We got to the hospital around midnight and I was already at 5 cm dilated! They admitted me into labour and delivery and I was anxious for this to happen. I was also started on antibiotics due to the Strep B that I had during pregnancy. The pain from the contractions was starting to become unbearable (giving birth is a tough job, you know) so I took my first dose of a drug called Fentanyl. This is a narcotic that gives some pain relief for 1 hour in duration. I definitely still fought and felt every single contraction, but the edge was definitely off.
I continued to labour with you from midnight until about 2 AM, during which time I dilated from 5 to 10 cm and had another dose of Fentanyl. Your papa was the most amazing supportive person I ever, ever could have asked for. He massaged me to help during every contraction, offered many words of encouragement, and was there for every need I had. The nurses that were with us commented numerous times that they should hire him, and asked if they could be next in line to receive a massage. You are very lucky to have him as a papa!
The hardest part of labour was making the transition from dilating to pushing. This phase is very intense and very, very painful. I made a lot of really embarrassing sounds at this point - I'm glad no one caught that on camera! Your papa encouraged me so much during this very hard time.
Then came time to push. Pushing is not as painful as dilating, but it is SO MUCH work! All the doctors said that I wouldn't have to push as long since this was my second pregnancy. With Asher I pushed for over 2 hours, so I was really hoping this would be true. I ended up pushing for close to an hour and a half with you, and it took every single ounce of my energy. There were many times I wanted to give up, but knowing that meeting you was just on the other side of this experience kept me motivated! Your papa was right there watching the whole thing.
Then you were born at 3:10 AM! You were placed on my belly right away and I was very aware and present in that moment. I distinctly remember seeing you, touching you, and hearing you. You were tiny, and goopy, and warm. I noticed how long your fingers and toes were right away and saw that you had lots of hair too. We got to cuddle for a good long time with you on my belly while the doctors cleaned me up (I had stitches this time again from tearing in the exact same spot as I did with Asher). It was so great to have the chance to see and be with you like this. I remember talking to you and saying "Welcome to the world Levi, we're so happy to meet you!". Here is one of your first pictures after being born while still on my belly.
Notice how sweaty I am? It was hard work to bring you into the world! But so very worth it...
You weighed 8 lbs 0.5 oz and were 20.5 inches long. Here you are getting weighed for the first time.
Your papa was very eager to hold you, and here is a picture of the first time that happened.
He was so proud! Here's a picture of you back in our room the morning after you were born.
Your big brother Asher and your Nana were some of your very first visitors. Here is our first family picture; we're now a family of 4!
And here is Asher meeting you for the very first time. He was very interested in who you were and asked "What's this one?"
You weighed 8 lbs 0.5 oz and were 20.5 inches long. Here you are getting weighed for the first time.
Your papa was very eager to hold you, and here is a picture of the first time that happened.
He was so proud! Here's a picture of you back in our room the morning after you were born.
Your big brother Asher and your Nana were some of your very first visitors. Here is our first family picture; we're now a family of 4!
And here is Asher meeting you for the very first time. He was very interested in who you were and asked "What's this one?"
Here's your Nana, also very, very excited to meet and hold you!
There is so much more to tell with this story - about how you worried our hearts with low blood sugar rates and a 2 day trip to the NICU, about pumping and milk production, about long walks down a brightly lit hallway to feed and cuddle you every 3 hours, about jaundice and being too sleepy for your own good - but that is not for now. For now your little squeaks and noises are telling me you're hungry and it's time to eat. My favorite time, cuddling with my little Levi, furry shoulders, receding hair line, tiny chin, hiccups, and all.
There is so much more to tell with this story - about how you worried our hearts with low blood sugar rates and a 2 day trip to the NICU, about pumping and milk production, about long walks down a brightly lit hallway to feed and cuddle you every 3 hours, about jaundice and being too sleepy for your own good - but that is not for now. For now your little squeaks and noises are telling me you're hungry and it's time to eat. My favorite time, cuddling with my little Levi, furry shoulders, receding hair line, tiny chin, hiccups, and all.
You have my heart,
your Mama
And for the rest of you, I'll leave you with these...
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