I don't have a daughter, but the spirit of this blog entry I read recently speaks to raising children in general, I feel. And I can definitely relate to the mommy guilt aspect. She's here every day with me too.
For all moms out there, for those who choose to stay at home, and for those who choose to work outside the home - take a minute and read this. I think we all can relate.
Here's the link!
I'm so thankful that other people out there can articulate so well what I often feel inside.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Levi at 16-months...
... weighs 26.5 pounds.
... sleeps through the night, but still likes to get up early.
... has one nap a day, from 1-3 PM.
... loves blueberries like there's no tomorrow.
... still has the biggest, sweetest smile there is.
... can be found playing in the toilet if given the chance.
... gets into everything!
... holds the telephone up to his ear and says "Hi" on a daily basis.
... eats about 7 meals a day, and always out-eats Asher.
... goes to his chair to tell me he's hungry.
... loves his grampa.
... just had his first hair cut (and it was long overdue!)
... thinks his big brother is amazing live entertainment.
... wears size 4 diapers and size 18-24 month clothing.
... has platinum blonde hair and blue eyes.
... goes to swimming lessons at the YMCA and a Kindermusik class.
... has only 6 teeth (and we've been at this number for ions).
... hates brushing said 6 teeth.
... favorite book is "Peek-a-boo Baby".
... doesn't have a bottle (but he never really did), but still uses a soother and fuzzy blanket when going to sleep.
... can say hi, snack, uh oh, mama, down, book, ball, open, dog, papa, all done, teeth, hat and possibly baby, poop, and cheese.
... understands much more than he can say.
... knows where his belly, bum, hair, nose, and mouth are.
... waves hi, claps hands, and signs more and all gone.
... has just mastered walking and is very proud of himself!
... sleeps through the night, but still likes to get up early.
... has one nap a day, from 1-3 PM.
... loves blueberries like there's no tomorrow.
... still has the biggest, sweetest smile there is.
... can be found playing in the toilet if given the chance.
... gets into everything!
... holds the telephone up to his ear and says "Hi" on a daily basis.
... eats about 7 meals a day, and always out-eats Asher.
... goes to his chair to tell me he's hungry.
... loves his grampa.
... just had his first hair cut (and it was long overdue!)
... thinks his big brother is amazing live entertainment.
... wears size 4 diapers and size 18-24 month clothing.
... has platinum blonde hair and blue eyes.
... goes to swimming lessons at the YMCA and a Kindermusik class.
... has only 6 teeth (and we've been at this number for ions).
... hates brushing said 6 teeth.
... favorite book is "Peek-a-boo Baby".
... doesn't have a bottle (but he never really did), but still uses a soother and fuzzy blanket when going to sleep.
... can say hi, snack, uh oh, mama, down, book, ball, open, dog, papa, all done, teeth, hat and possibly baby, poop, and cheese.
... understands much more than he can say.
... knows where his belly, bum, hair, nose, and mouth are.
... waves hi, claps hands, and signs more and all gone.
... has just mastered walking and is very proud of himself!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Thankful Thursday
Being a mom is just plain hard, and sometimes you just need to know that you are not alone with all the crazy things you may think and feel on this journey.
This week I was thankful for a friend sharing this blog post on facebook. I laughed and cried all in the same breath. It's a bit long, but completely worth the read.
Enjoy!
This week I was thankful for a friend sharing this blog post on facebook. I laughed and cried all in the same breath. It's a bit long, but completely worth the read.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
My Words Wednesday (because today is just the day that I needed to write this)
Lately I have been struggling with the growing list of things that Asher cannot yet do. He cannot:
- hold a pencil the correct way
- fully get dressed by himself
- swim
- go in the big pool without freaking out, for that matter
- skate
- poop in the potty on a consistent basis
- go to the potty by himself
- participate in one soccer class where you actually have to run and kick the ball
- go to a movie at the theatre without crying
Each time I hear my friends talk about their children doing this new thing, or that new thing, I instantly feel worry in the pit of my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friends. I think it's great how some kids can so easily pick up certain skills. It's just Asher is not really like that, especially when it comes to motor skills. I always have the feeling like Asher will someday get to school and everyone will be so shocked at how much he developmentally cannot do, and I'll get this really worrisome phone call from his teacher; "Hello, Mrs. Lawson, about Asher. You've done a terrible job and he won't be ready for Kindergarten for another 13 years". Or something like that.
Because here's the thing. That worry that I have, it's about Asher, for sure it's about Asher. Some of the things on that list are like kinda basics that he does need to learn in order to do life. Pooping in your underwear is kinda weird when you're more than 35 pounds. Maybe it still even is when you are 35 pounds.
But that worry, it's also about me. Do I really suck that much at this mothering thing? Am I that lame that I can't even help my child to learn to get dressed? He's 3 and a half years old! It's not like I don't have every day, twice a day (or more depending on how the pooping in the potty is going that day) to practice!
And even further, what does that say about me as a person? Asher's list of things he cannot do, many days, that feels like my list of failures. Ways that I don't measure up.
And I really don't want Asher to feel that. I never want him to think that all I see is the things he can't do. I never want him to think that he doesn't measure up. It's just that sometimes staring at that list that I write over and over in my head, it's hard to remember to see his light too. I know it's there, I just can't always see it. And that's my issue.
Then today happened. Don't get me wrong, today sucked on many, many accounts. I hardly slept last night because of a sick (teething?) baby. I didn't get done half of the things that were on my list because of aforementioned clingy, cranky, sick (teething?) baby. I raised my voice in situations where I wished I hadn't. I ignored cries that I wish I had of responded to. I plunked boys in front of the TV out of desperation for a moments quiet. In many ways, my list of failures is long from today.
But at lunch time the Holy Spirit visited my house and something beautiful began to change.
You see I was searching YouTube for a certain children's song about prayer for our Sunday School program at church that I help to coordinate. I'm trying to learn the words so I can teach it to our church's children this week. Asher saw that videos were running on my computer and hoped up to watch with me. As we were watching, I looked over at my goldfish-eating boy and just out of nowhere I started to tell him:
"Asher you know what?"
"What Mama?"
"You know God made you special, little boy. He made you just the way you are on purpose. You are so very special, everything about you is special. God thinks that and I think that too."
(No real response as Asher continues to munch on his goldfish crackers).
"And did you know that God sent you as a special gift to our family? He chose you just for us, and gave you as a special gift to Papa and I. And I'm so glad He did that. Everyday, I'm so glad he gave you to us as a special gift. You are a very special little boy to me."
"Okay Mama."
In this moment I'm speaking very simply to Asher; it's not some big pivotal conversation we're having. I just say it, as the Holy Spirit (very thankfully) prompts me to, from time to time, and he just keeps eating his goldfish crackers.
But once those words start coming out of my mouth, something changes in me. I get teary. I feel light and sure of my words. I feel His presence speaking Truth to Asher, to me. I feel Him speaking through me. My words speaking to Asher, but His words speaking to me too. Asher doesn't seem too struck by what I'm saying, but I am. God speaking to me exactly what I needed to hear; that Asher is so very special. He has gifts and talents that I can't even begin to imagine. He was created with a purpose and he is a blessing. I am lucky to get to uncover those special gifts and talents along with him. I feel blessed. I know He is guiding our family, helping to raise these boys, and helping me to be the kind of mother they need me to be. All of a sudden that list from earlier doesn't seem so important anymore.
A few hours later, Levi is crying on my lap as I sit on the floor with him. I notice Asher watching us as I cuddle and comfort Levi. Intuitively, I open my arms and say, "I've got room on my lap for 2 boys, Asher, come on over." He instantly runs to my arms.
Levi settles. We all look at each other. Asher smiles and says to me, "We're your special presents, right Mama?"
"Of course you are, sweet boy. You and Levi are both my special gifts."
I have a feeling I won't have such a hard time remembering anymore, Asher.
- hold a pencil the correct way
- fully get dressed by himself
- swim
- go in the big pool without freaking out, for that matter
- skate
- poop in the potty on a consistent basis
- go to the potty by himself
- participate in one soccer class where you actually have to run and kick the ball
- go to a movie at the theatre without crying
Each time I hear my friends talk about their children doing this new thing, or that new thing, I instantly feel worry in the pit of my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friends. I think it's great how some kids can so easily pick up certain skills. It's just Asher is not really like that, especially when it comes to motor skills. I always have the feeling like Asher will someday get to school and everyone will be so shocked at how much he developmentally cannot do, and I'll get this really worrisome phone call from his teacher; "Hello, Mrs. Lawson, about Asher. You've done a terrible job and he won't be ready for Kindergarten for another 13 years". Or something like that.
Because here's the thing. That worry that I have, it's about Asher, for sure it's about Asher. Some of the things on that list are like kinda basics that he does need to learn in order to do life. Pooping in your underwear is kinda weird when you're more than 35 pounds. Maybe it still even is when you are 35 pounds.
But that worry, it's also about me. Do I really suck that much at this mothering thing? Am I that lame that I can't even help my child to learn to get dressed? He's 3 and a half years old! It's not like I don't have every day, twice a day (or more depending on how the pooping in the potty is going that day) to practice!
And even further, what does that say about me as a person? Asher's list of things he cannot do, many days, that feels like my list of failures. Ways that I don't measure up.
And I really don't want Asher to feel that. I never want him to think that all I see is the things he can't do. I never want him to think that he doesn't measure up. It's just that sometimes staring at that list that I write over and over in my head, it's hard to remember to see his light too. I know it's there, I just can't always see it. And that's my issue.
Then today happened. Don't get me wrong, today sucked on many, many accounts. I hardly slept last night because of a sick (teething?) baby. I didn't get done half of the things that were on my list because of aforementioned clingy, cranky, sick (teething?) baby. I raised my voice in situations where I wished I hadn't. I ignored cries that I wish I had of responded to. I plunked boys in front of the TV out of desperation for a moments quiet. In many ways, my list of failures is long from today.
But at lunch time the Holy Spirit visited my house and something beautiful began to change.
You see I was searching YouTube for a certain children's song about prayer for our Sunday School program at church that I help to coordinate. I'm trying to learn the words so I can teach it to our church's children this week. Asher saw that videos were running on my computer and hoped up to watch with me. As we were watching, I looked over at my goldfish-eating boy and just out of nowhere I started to tell him:
"Asher you know what?"
"What Mama?"
"You know God made you special, little boy. He made you just the way you are on purpose. You are so very special, everything about you is special. God thinks that and I think that too."
(No real response as Asher continues to munch on his goldfish crackers).
"And did you know that God sent you as a special gift to our family? He chose you just for us, and gave you as a special gift to Papa and I. And I'm so glad He did that. Everyday, I'm so glad he gave you to us as a special gift. You are a very special little boy to me."
"Okay Mama."
In this moment I'm speaking very simply to Asher; it's not some big pivotal conversation we're having. I just say it, as the Holy Spirit (very thankfully) prompts me to, from time to time, and he just keeps eating his goldfish crackers.
But once those words start coming out of my mouth, something changes in me. I get teary. I feel light and sure of my words. I feel His presence speaking Truth to Asher, to me. I feel Him speaking through me. My words speaking to Asher, but His words speaking to me too. Asher doesn't seem too struck by what I'm saying, but I am. God speaking to me exactly what I needed to hear; that Asher is so very special. He has gifts and talents that I can't even begin to imagine. He was created with a purpose and he is a blessing. I am lucky to get to uncover those special gifts and talents along with him. I feel blessed. I know He is guiding our family, helping to raise these boys, and helping me to be the kind of mother they need me to be. All of a sudden that list from earlier doesn't seem so important anymore.
A few hours later, Levi is crying on my lap as I sit on the floor with him. I notice Asher watching us as I cuddle and comfort Levi. Intuitively, I open my arms and say, "I've got room on my lap for 2 boys, Asher, come on over." He instantly runs to my arms.
Levi settles. We all look at each other. Asher smiles and says to me, "We're your special presents, right Mama?"
"Of course you are, sweet boy. You and Levi are both my special gifts."
I have a feeling I won't have such a hard time remembering anymore, Asher.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Bad News/Good News
Update as of 7AM Jan 10...
The bad news:
Levi was up from 12:30-2:15 last night for some unknown reason.
The good news:
Yet to be determined.
***********************************************************************************
The bad news:
This weekend my family had the stomach flu and I saw more vomit than I'd ever care to see again.
The good news:
Levi never once threw up.
The bad news:
We were so exhausted and lethargic and could hardly get off the couch for days.
The good news:
I got lots and lots of cuddle time with my 3-year old boy.
The bad news:
We hardly ate a thing for 2 solid days.
The good news:
We got our appetites back!
The bad news:
I brought Asher to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie last week and he was scared and we had to leave the theatre with him freaking out big time.
The good news:
The movie theatre refunded my money since we never actually watched the movie.
The bad news:
The wouldn't refund my popcorn that I had already bought.
The good news:
I had movie theatre popcorn to enjoy at home.
The bad news:
Greg is working late 2 nights this week.
The good news:
My mom is coming over to do her bi-weekly babysitting night one of those evenings and I'm going to a movie with a friend.
The bad news:
My zumba instructor is away on vacation for 2 weeks.
The good news:
My sister-in-law is the substitute teacher; the class goes on!
The bad news:
It's been cold and we got some snow.
The good news:
This morning the sun was shining and there wasn't any wind at all, so the boys and I played outside in the snow for almost 2 hours.
The bad news:
Levi didn't have an afternoon nap today.
The good news:
He was not cranky at all and we were able to enjoy a visit with a friend.
The bad news:
Levi was up from 12:30-2:15 last night for some unknown reason.
The good news:
Yet to be determined.
***********************************************************************************
The bad news:
This weekend my family had the stomach flu and I saw more vomit than I'd ever care to see again.
The good news:
Levi never once threw up.
The bad news:
We were so exhausted and lethargic and could hardly get off the couch for days.
The good news:
I got lots and lots of cuddle time with my 3-year old boy.
The bad news:
We hardly ate a thing for 2 solid days.
The good news:
We got our appetites back!
The bad news:
I brought Asher to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie last week and he was scared and we had to leave the theatre with him freaking out big time.
The good news:
The movie theatre refunded my money since we never actually watched the movie.
The bad news:
The wouldn't refund my popcorn that I had already bought.
The good news:
I had movie theatre popcorn to enjoy at home.
The bad news:
Greg is working late 2 nights this week.
The good news:
My mom is coming over to do her bi-weekly babysitting night one of those evenings and I'm going to a movie with a friend.
The bad news:
My zumba instructor is away on vacation for 2 weeks.
The good news:
My sister-in-law is the substitute teacher; the class goes on!
The bad news:
It's been cold and we got some snow.
The good news:
This morning the sun was shining and there wasn't any wind at all, so the boys and I played outside in the snow for almost 2 hours.
The bad news:
Levi didn't have an afternoon nap today.
The good news:
He was not cranky at all and we were able to enjoy a visit with a friend.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Thankful Thursday
I think I make it pretty well known that I love the beach. It is the one place I feel the most calm, at peace, and connected to God's Spirit. On facebook the other day I saw this article someone had linked of a dude who takes super magnified pictures of sand. Check them out!
Isn't that amazing? To know that sand is actually little pieces of whatever it broke off of - be that shell, crystal, or volcanic rock - each one unique. It amazes me and is just another reason why I love the beach! I'm so very thankful I live within driving distance, and already can't wait until next summer.
Isn't that amazing? To know that sand is actually little pieces of whatever it broke off of - be that shell, crystal, or volcanic rock - each one unique. It amazes me and is just another reason why I love the beach! I'm so very thankful I live within driving distance, and already can't wait until next summer.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)