Wordless Wednesday - sidewalk chalk, Asher style

I'm glad I didn't miss that!

Asher is slow going in the mornings, and he definitely takes his time to wake up before he starts his day.  The other morning, just like every morning, I went into his room to get him out of bed and ready for the day.  He proceeded to ask me to come lay down with him and read a book, and so I did.  My boy and I cuddled up for a morning snuggle, reading a book together - I'm so glad I am able to take the time to do these things and I'm sure glad I didn't miss that!

A letter to Levi on your 1st birthday

My little Levi, happy first birthday, sweet boy.  I am so happy to be celebrating this day with you!  I cannot believe that my baby is one years old today - how did this happen?

This year with you has been amazing!  I still remember the night you were born, and how lovely it was to get to hold and cuddle you for so long after your delivery.  The first thing I noticed about you, and the one physical characteristic that always gets my attention, is your blond curly hair.  The nurses at the hospital said that it's not very often babies are born with blond hair, but you my love, definitely were.  You are just like your Papa in this way - my two blondies.  So sweet.

You did have some challenges early on, which were really trying on us all.  About 12 hours after your birth, the nurses discovered that your blood sugars were quite low, and you had to go to the NICU (neonatal intesive care unit).  It broke my heart to see you struggling, and to not be with you when you were so small, was difficult.  Faithfully, every 3 hours your Papa and I would walk down the long hall to the NICU to feed, hold, and cuddle you.  Despite all the tears of worry during this time, each and every time I walked through those NICU doors, I couldn't help but smile.  Seeing you and being with you was the happiest time of my day; being with you is all I wanted to do.  There were 2 times a day that no parents were allowed in the NICU - an hour during each shift change - and those 2 hours were heart-breaking for me.  We would always scramble down to the NICU after shift change so we could see if anything had changed.  Your Papa got so good at knowing which cables and wires were monitoring your vitals, and what he had to do to move and unhook them so that no alarms would go off, that the nurses joked they were going to hire him.  When you were finally well enough to join us in our room, after about 3 days, we were overjoyed.

Only later did we discover that your low blood sugar at birth was likely a result of some bigger picture motor issues that you have.  It's nothing serious, and nothing a little physiotherapy won't help.  For now, you are so eager to move, and you want to so bad.  We are working on strengthening your muscles to help you get walking.  You currently move using a kind of cross between a bum scoot and a walk - the bum walk, your physiotherapist called it.  You put your feet and legs in front of you as your sitting down, and one by one you move them like you're walking so that they are pulling you forward.  You're getting pretty fast at this too!  You love to stand and walk, as long as you have something or someone to hold onto for support.  Your exercauser was your favorite place to be for months because you have enjoyed standing so much.  At your birthday party many people took turns walking with you, and every one of them commented about how fast you were and how much liked walking (as evidenced by the whines whenever someone would stop).

I would say that from the beginning, you have always been an easy baby.  You would sleep wherever I put you.  You fell into a routine almost on your own (except for those night wakings - that took a little while).  You would go with the flow, and didn't seem to get overstimulated or fussy, like many babies do.  I remember a friend commenting about how surprised she was that you would just sleep so easily in your bassinet while a handful of toddlers ran around you. 

The biggest blessing is how much of a happy baby you have been.  I clearly remember your first smile; you were 5-weeks old.  I was sitting at the counter with a friend having lunch, and you just looked up at me and gave a beautiful smile.  It was so precious that I was there holding you in that moment. And you basically haven't stopped smiling since.  You smile at anyone, for any reason.  Strangers even comment about how much you smile.  You smile so easily and your smile is so big that it takes up your whole being.  I will never forget one day at church when I was wearing you in a baby carrier.  You were on my chest and I was talking to a friend.  She looked down at you, and I commented that I knew you must be smiling at her because I felt it.  Your whole body changed with that smile, you put your whole soul into it. You smile from your heart, from a happy place, and I am in constant wonder at where that comes from.  You radiate joy, Levi, and I hope you always live life with this joyful characteristic.

One thing that makes you especially happy is your big brother Asher.  You love to watch him, and he makes you smile and laugh like no other person.  I've joked that Asher is your personal entertainer - you always seem to be having such a good time watching him.  I can't wait for you to join in on his play, I think you guys will have a lot of fun together. 

Another thing that makes you happy - and consequently unhappy when you don't have it - is food.  You are a solid boy and you love to eat.  I am constantly amazed at how much you seem to enjoy eating, and by how much you actually eat!  You make the cutest "mmmm" sound when you are eating something you really like and you out eat your big brother most days.  And you will eat practically anything.  I made you pureed baby food for months, and I used to throw together the weirdest combinations of stuff, and you always ate it.  Brussels sprouts, black beans, and tomatoes - no problem.  Pasta, peas, and avocado - good to go.  You are a good eater, Levi, and you aren't afraid to try new foods.

One funny memory that I will laugh at for years to come is your reaction to birthday cake at your first birthday party.  Based on my experiences with you and food, I expected you to gobble it up - but you surprised me.  You had just finished a big hearty lunch when we sang "happy birthday" to you, and you received the first piece of your chocolate birthday cake.  I put it in front of you and you just sort of looked at it and touched it a bit.  I gave you a couple of tastes to get you going, and you didn't really seem sure of it.  After a few tries, you did your baby sign for "all done".  I was surprised by this, and not believing that you were actually trying to tell me that you didn't want any chocolate cake, I tried another few times to give you some.  At this point you started swatting my hands away, very clearly indicating that you did not want any.  You love food, Levi, but you did not love your first taste of chocolate.  Perhaps this was just because you were full - only time will tell!

One of your absolute favorite things to play with this year has been tupperware.  I won a large basket of tupperware at a fundraiser early in the year, and I have yet to put it away.  When you are bored, or looking for something to play with, this is my sure-fire, go-to thing to give you.  You have spent many an hour playing with those plastic cups and containers, filling them up, dumping them out, rolling them around, and banging them.  You are content with the simple things in life, it seems, my boy.  Tupperware, and our newest summer find, sand, of which you tasted by the mouthful this summer. 

My sweet Levi, you have been a blessing in my life, and spending this first year with you has been a treasure.  I hope you always know that you are loved more than I could possibly express; my heart hurts because it's filled with so much love for you.  I hope you always know that I am so glad that God chose you to send to our family; I could never dream of wanting anyone different than you, my boy.  And please always know that you bring joy to my heart and a smile to my face everytime I think of you; all I have to do is close my eyes and see that smile of yours and I know, everything's gonna be alright.  We will always have each other.

With love always,
Your Mama

Thankful Thursday - Levi's first year, month by month photos edition

I am super-de-duper thankful for a smile-filled year with this little guy!  I can hardly believe he'll be one tomorrow - wow.  Happy 1st Birthday little Levi!!!

Birth

a couple weeks old

1-month old

2-months old

3-months old

4-months old

5-months old

6-months old

7-months old



8-months old

9-months old

10-months old

11-months old

Wordless Wednesday - the beach with my boys edition

waves

I've often heard the expression that grieving comes in waves; you may start to feel settled in life after a loss and then a wave of grief will come and hit, seemingly out of nowhere.  That knocks you down for a bit, but then the tide retreats and you can walk upright again, until the next wave comes.  In my experience, this metaphor has been true.

And then I spent a week at the beach, and I realized just how true this saying is.  Spending a lot of time at the ocean's edge, I've observed a few things about waves this week.

Waves are really different, depending on the weather.  Stormy weather waves are altogether different than little lappy waves that tickle your toes.  Stormy waves are big and loud and sting.  They carry debris that's washed up from the ocean's deep, and crash hard against the sand.  They have a tendency of splashing up on you and soaking you in places you didn't think a wave could reach.  They can knock you over if you're not on guard.  They spray your face.  They take your breath away.

Low tide waves are so gentle and welcomed compared to high tide waves.  Low tide waves bring a serene and calming presence.  They whisper quiet in your ears, they wash off anxiety and replace it with peace.  They silence the day.  They are tender and unassuming.

High tide waves have a force behind them.  They can seem quiet and mild, but if you really stop and look you can see that they mean business.  They have a job to do, and they are busy doing it.  They bring life, and work, and fullness, and vastness.  They are great and have presence.

And standing at the water line, this week I was surprised at just how big of an impact even the smallest wave can have.  The sand from under your feet is washed away and pushed around with each and every wave.  So much so that just the tiniest baby of a wave can make you stumble, and throw you off balance, causing you to chase and work to regain your composure.  Walking at the water line with waves washing over your feet is the hardest place to walk.  It's hard to live at that line, it's hard to do anything but just stand up and keep going forward.  I decided that I didn't like walking at the water line; it's much easier to walk when you're knee deep in the water than when the water is just wetting your toes.

This has spoken volumes to me about grieving.  To say that grief comes in waves is an understatement; there are so many different kinds of waves, and grief can be like all of them.

I needed to think about this this week, because I am grieving.  Grieving for things I have lost, some recent, and some a long time ago.  Grieving for things I never actually had.  Grieving for things I may never have.  Grieving for things I know I'm about to lose.

Being at the ocean this week has encouraged me to not just stand at the waters edge when those waves of grief come, but rather to walk right in the water and live there for a while.  Trying to fight the waves when they're there, no matter what type of wave it is, is just too much work.  No matter how big or small, strong or mild those waves of grief can sometimes be, each one has brought cleansing, release, and healing. My lessons is to remember to continue to embrace them when they come.

Thankful Thursday - summer vacation 2011 edition

So many things to be thankful for this week, where do I start?

... for reading by myself on the beach in the morning while drinking coffee (this literally may be my idea of heaven on earth)

... for long evening walks and talks on the beach with my husband

... for my mother for taking care of the boys overnight so Greg and I could have an evening to ourselves

... for Asher saying "It's so nice to see you, Mama" when he saw me for the first time after his sleepover with Nana

... for swimming in the ocean (and for there being no jellyfish!)

... for sunny, beach filled days where at the end of the day we get to clean out sandy bums and put tired, happy boys to bed

... for Asher and Levi sleeping in the same room at night, and it going well

... laughing at Levi tasting sand (over and over and over again)

... listening to Asher say "Oh wow, it's a wonderful surprise - the beach" the first time he went there, and for him continuing to call it "the wonderful beach" each time we go there

... watching Asher run full force to jump and walk and splash and play at the waters edge

... laughing at Asher as he fell in the ocean face first in his completely dry clothes because he was so excited to play in the water

... our new back pack style beach chairs

... that Greg fixed our beach umbrella before our vacation

... the beach being literally a 2 minute walk from our trailer

... watching clams burrow their way in the sand - those guys are fast

... sipping wine and playing cards with my husband in the evening

... sea salt breezes and salty lips

... reading Secret Daughter in a couple of days - oh my that was a good read

... heading to the beach on a rainy afternoon in our rubber boots and having THE time of our lives

... buying a new Thomas the train book/activity set for Asher for said rainy day in the trailer - life saver!

... Greg agreeing to be on dish duty this week

... Greg letting me sleep in one morning and making breakfast for us

... for the connection I feel to The Big Guy whenever I'm near the ocean

... for watching the pattern of the tides - I love high and low tides for entirely different reasons

... for vacation, time away from our responsibilities, and time to reconnect with family - we really are so blessed!

Wordless Wednesday - fun without the sun edition

the case of the big head

Today Levi had a physiotherapy assessment with a private pediatric physiotherapist.  I booked this appointment after my growing concern that Levi was following in Asher's footsteps with being a late crawler and walker (he's 11.5 months and not even close to doing either).  Because of this concern, for the past couple of months I've been on and off doing Asher's old physio exercises with Levi.  Turns out that Levi does have some issues, but they're not with his pelvis like Asher's were.  Levi has a rockin' pelvis (credit to me for all those pelvic exercises I've been putting him through)!

But what Levi does have is this: low muscle tone and a big head.  His low muscle tone - although not officially hypotonia, a more serious condition - just means that his muscles are more floppy than normal.  The physiotherapist compared muscles to a spring, and said that someone with low muscle tone would have a loose/stretched spring kind of muscle rather than a normal slinky type spring muscles.  His muscles still work, and they're still there, but they're loose and relaxed, which is obviously a hindrance.  This has been present since birth - rewind and see the pattern with his difficulty stabilizing his blood sugars at birth and his feeding issues which required us to do exercises on his lips to strengthen those muscles.

Levi also has a big head, which we have known for a while now (98th percentile compared to the rest of his body which is around 50th to 75th percentile).  Levi has compensated for his big head by using his shoulders to support his head, which has meant that he cannot use his shoulders and arms properly to help him move.  This especially gets in the way of his transitional movements - getting from one position to another, laying to sitting for example.  Levi has no transitional movements, which I have known.

So combine low muscle tone with a big head and what you have is this guy:

Cute and adorable and still my perfect baby.  He just happens to be a perfect baby who needs a bit of physiotherapy to help him to get moving.

So far, he doesn't like it.

And Connie, our awesome physiotherapist, gave me a gift today too.  She reassured me over and over again that this is purely a genetic issue and has nothing to do with my parenting or Levi's learning ability.  Since both boys have had tonality issues, there is a genetic component coming into play for sure (I was a late walker - 18 months - maybe that's where it comes from?).  In any case, this is something that we can move past for sure, and likely without any further issues.  This really is just how we make babies.

So for now the physio exercises will focus on strengthening Levi's neck muscles so they can do the work of holding up his big head instead of him engaging his shoulder muscles to do that.  Although he really does not like the exercises so far, I'm hoping that his increased mobility will be an encourager for him.

Oh, and the big head, that's a Lawson trait for sure.  In fact, when Greg crawled as a baby he apparently dragged his head on the ground because it was too big, so I can definitely blame Greg for this one! :P

Thankful Thursday

This week I have been sick, and today was my sickest day of all.  In spite of that, today I am thankful for...

... Greg taking the day off work to care for the boys so I could rest

... getting in to see my doctor (I have a sinus infection)

... 2 naps

... reading for fun again (I just finished reading Room in 3 days - wow!)

... tylenol

... a phone chat with my dad

... getting to go away on vacation on Saturday (we're renting a camper trailer by the beach)

Wordless Wednesday - FLASHBACK of Asher at 11 months edition

Levi's moving!

Well he's not "crawling" the way he's "supposed" to, but finally at 11-months Levi has started to move on his own; some sort of modified bum scoot move just like Asher did.  Check him out!

He's not very fast, but he sure made it to that box of cereal!

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for...

... frozen pizza (it makes making supper easy in a pinch!)

... getting to go to the ballet for FREE on Friday night

... being almost done my summer university course

... a friend visiting from out of town this week

... my morning coffee

... the fact that my husband bathes our children 95% of the time

... a book I'm reading that's given me many "a-ha" moments these past few days

... my awesome 16 year old babysitter who does a fantastic job!

... veggie straws (SOOOO good)

... looking forward to our family vacation in a week and a half

Wordless Wednesday - U2 edition