Confessions...

Well Internet friends, I have a few confessions to make. I haven't been completely honest with you all about a few things, and I think I'd just feel a bit better if I took the time right now to get them off my chest. Yes, that's what I will do.

Remember how I used to update you all regularly about my running life? And remember how I bought all this amazing gear and even started training to run my first half marathon? And actually maybe you knew, or maybe you didn't, but this past weekend I was actually supposed to run that half marathon? Well I didn't do it, and I had to drop out of the training altogether, and I actually haven't been running at all.

I know, it's terrible. All that hard work totally put to waste.

And remember how we planned this big cruise? And I told you all that it was because 2010 was a big year for us? Well it's true, it is a big year. Greg and I will both turn 30 and celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary. But there's another reason 2010 will be a big year, and another reason why it was important that we go on this cruise, well now or... not for a very long time.

Do you have any guesses? Huh, huh, huh? Do you?

Well here's a hint:

Do you get it? Do you see what Asher's shirt says? It has nothing to do with Asher being a fan of Big Brother, the reality show, like a few of you thought.

Asher's going to be a BIG BROTHER this year! We will welcome our second baby into the world! Whoo hoo!

Do you feel like this?

My mom was very surprised because she thought we were going to wait another year. But maybe you're not so surprised; I know some of you have been asking me about this for a few months now.

Well let me tell you about how this baby boo came to be (well I'll spare you some of the details!) and our journey since that time.

Greg and I had been trying for a few months to give Asher a sibling. 4 or 5 days after Christmas, I did a home pregnancy test and saw this:

2 pink lines; how glorious! We were thrilled over the moon and couldn't believe we would get the opportunity to love someone the way we love Asher all over again!

We decided to keep it on the down-low for a little while though - I think we are a little more cautious since our miscarriage 3 years ago. We told literally almost no one our news. I guess we had reason to be cautious...

At 6.5 weeks of pregnancy, I started bleeding. It was not heavy bleeding, but it was bleeding nonetheless, and that was exactly how my first miscarriage started. We were shocked and dumbfounded. I will remember that time of my life as so confusing. I didn't know what the outcome would be, and it was so hard to know whether or not to let my hope live. I wanted to believe that things would work out, that the bleeding would stop, but a deep part of me was broken just even thinking about having to grieve the loss of another baby all over again. It was such an emotional roller coaster.

My doctor was so good to us. He immediately put me on bed rest. We had appointments, and exams, and blood work, and more blood work, and phone calls, and finally an ultrasound. Even though the bleeding stopped after 2 days, he wanted to assure me that everything was OK, especially due to my history. So at 8.5 weeks of pregnancy, we got to see this:

Yes that little black circle with a kidney bean inside is our baby! And rest assured that baby is alive and well and his/her little heart beat was going strong. The baby already had little arms and legs and a head and a body and all the necessary parts to grow a healthy person. We even got to see the baby give a little bum wiggle! The ultrasound technician said that at 8 weeks the baby can start having involuntary wiggles, and we got to see one during the ultrasound! I felt like that was such a blessing, to assure us that this little person was alive and well.

We were happy to get the "official" ultrasound report which stated that the baby was the size he/she was supposed to be according to my last period, the placenta and umbilical cord looked good, and there were no visible abnormalities or problems with my uterus or the baby. We finally felt like we could breath a sigh of relief and started to share our news with friends and family. I still feel unsettled about running though, even though I got the official OK to resume my normal life. Maybe it's just me being overly cautious, but I think it's worth it considering what's at stake.

And now here I am, 12 weeks pregnant and working on growing a belly like it's nobody's business! I think now that we're just about clear of this first trimester, I feel like this is actually going to happen. Crazy! Another person in our family. Wow. This person is set to arrive on September 2, which means I get to be huge and pregnant all summer. In my books, that's a free ticket to eat all the ice cream I want! :)

And through all this, I feel as though God taught me so much about hope and trust, and I'll tell you what - HOPE LIVES! :)