So my dear boy Asher is, we're quite certain, colicky. By the zillions of definitions and theories out there (and as Greg and I have learned, there are many) he fits a lot of them. There's the possibility of gas/intestinal issues, acid reflux, overly sensitive to stimulation, hereditary predisposition (thanks a lot for that one Mr. Lawson!)... we see a bit of Asher in all of those. The common thread we have read about is the rule of 3: the baby needs to be crying inconsolably for 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, and this happening for at least 3 weeks. Check, check and check.
Asher is pretty fussy, mostly in the evenings, but also at other points during the day. In the evenings, most every evening during the week, his crying is just non-stop. Everything we try to do to help him doesn't seem to work at all, or if it does work, the solution is always only temporary (as in maybe 3 minutes of no crying). It doesn't seem to matter how little or much he has slept, ate, burped or pooped, or how much we have walked him, sung to him, cuddled him, or given him his space... always the same crying.
I, quite obviously, find myself challenged by this. Sure the crying is hard to hear after hours and, sure I'd rather be doing something else than spending almost all his waking hours trying to console him. I think most of the frustration and sadness, however, comes not with Asher, but with myself.
My heart breaks when Asher has been crying for hours and I can't help him. It's so hard to hear your baby cry and cry and cry and not be able to make him feel better. I hate that feeling, and I usually end up crying with him. Which, quite honestly, is making this NOT the funnest time in my life and I often find myself thinking "I wish this would end". That's a struggle for me though because I don't want to wish these weeks of his life away just because they're not turning out the way I'd like them to. Asher will only be this little now, and I need to remember that.
I have a feeling this is part of a bigger lesson for me. No where in the book of life does it say your child will be exactly as you had hoped. I wish Asher wasn't colicky, but he is. The person Asher is now and will be, I believe, is who God created him to be. And one of my lessons to learn as his mama is to love and embrace him for who he is no matter what, colicky and all, and not who I want him to be or think he "should" be.
And then I hate that I even use the word colic. The last thing I want is to stick some label on Asher; I don't want people to form opinions of him based on their experiences or perception of that word, which are always negative. And I hate that I even care so much about what other people may think of him just because he cries a lot. Or that I care what other people think of me as his mother because I can't help him to feel better. But I find I need that definition, that answer, for my own reasoning and justification and sanity.
Mostly though I get frustrated with myself because I don't have the patience that he needs. The last thing I want is for Asher to feel that I'm frustrated with him, or that his needs are an annoyance to me. Although I find the situation trying, I don't want that to translate onto him. I love every ounce of Asher with every fiber of my being, and one little open-mouthed lopsided smile makes me forget the hours of crying. But I worry I won't communicate that in my moments of weakness, when I need space from him or when I lose patience.
So for now I'll pray everyday and ask for patience; patience to deal when there's no end in sight. And I'll work at learning to love and care for Asher no matter what he may bring, because he is my baby and he is God's gift to our family. And I'll work at caring less about what people may think and focus more on loving Asher. I want to learn to embrace and enjoy these weeks and months, no matter what; to delight in the moments of joy and learn from the struggles what I can.
And as for the colic, well in the meantime, we're trying another remedy; the ole' gripe water trick (the alcohol free kind, of course). I don't know if it will help with the colic, but I do know that it smells an awful lot like a weird combination of dill pickle chips and black licorice. I'm surprised Asher doesn't cry more just from having to ingest it! :)
6 comments:
You know, Mandi, without minimizing one little bit how difficult these evenings are for all three of you... you are learning some lessons now (about accepting Asher for who he is and shrugging off your worry about what other people think) that some parents never learn. Keep leaning on God's strength and praying for the fruit of the Spirit, friend.
Thanks for your encouragement Mel. I am thankful to be learning from this experience, and think we are all better for it.
aw Mandi I just love your honesty. Hang in there friend. I agree with Mel. The fact that you're willing to see the lessons being learned and not just focus on the frustration side of things is a biggy. I love Asher and think he's wonderful so don't ever worry about my thoughts of him :) In fact I missed him being at church last night!
You sound like a mom.......
Nothing like a child to make you 2nd (and 3rd and 4th) guess everything. Never felt so helpless, or so happy, as when I became a mommy caregiver. The range of emotions can be and has been overwhelming for me at times.
I struggle with the labeling issue in regards to Mac. This has been one of my biggest worries/unknown fears. And, sometimes I feel that it has affected some in their perspective of my little guy. But, I guess we needed to know what we were dealing with for there to be improvement and understanding. I don't want the label to follow Mac very far, though.
I think that you are doing great! And, if you can continue to process, and learn, you're rocking it out. Asher is blessed to be in your family! He is experiencing tons of love...just what a little baby needs.
I can't understand the colic but i can understand the horrible helpless feeling that comes with not being able to console your child. Gripe water always did the trick with rachel but doesn't work with Samantha..mostly i think it's from her vomiting because she can't stand the taste and i don't blame her!!! Like you mentioned...it could be a many number of things but for now, don't give up and keep trying different things. With rachel it was caffeine...i couldn't touch it for months, she would cry forever if i had it. I find Sam can handle caffeine but i think she is sensitive to my soy milk. It makes her terribly stinky and a little fussy so now i'm going to try rice or almond milk. Oval drops have been working wonderfully with Sam so you might want to check it out! So hang in there and you might want to keep an eye on what you eat to see if he's worse some days than others. I've heard that colic usually goes away by 3 months so your almost there. I'll be praying that it passes soon!!!
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