Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Why there is a twinkle in my eye
My heart asked me to write this post a long time ago, but I never wrote it. I think I knew the timing wasn't right. I needed to wait until this time, this moment to write what I needed to say. I needed to wait until the feelings were raw and real and present and demanding to be expressed. And for now, for this one time, I choose to release my filters; this post will be about the real words and the real truth of what I need to express, if for no one else but myself and my family.
Yesterday we found out the gender of our new baby. It's funny because a part of me has always known who this person would be, who this person is. I think God has been talking to me about this for a while, challenging my assumptions and beliefs, shaking up what I think I want, need, or "should" have. And I'm so glad He brought me on this journey, because I can honestly say that I feel so blessed to just get to have 2 healthy babies; nothing else matters. There have been numerous times where I doubted this would even happen for us. After losing one baby, and the threat of losing this one, I know that this gift is a miracle, and I will always chose to see it that way.
And that dear friends, is why I'd love for you to know that this little miracle still growing inside my belly right now is a beautiful baby boy. Another boy! A brother for Asher! And I couldn't be happier.
The instant I found out that he was a he, I cried. It's always exciting to learn the gender of your baby - whether it's when the baby is born, or early like we've chosen to do. I love my little boy Asher so much that it strains my heart sometimes to have to contain it all. Knowing that I would have another little boy to love like this brought such joy. I've come to learn that there's something really special about a mother-son relationship, and I'm lucky enough to get that twice.
If I'm being honest though, in the few minutes after hearing our news, I felt a bit of something bubbling up that I wasn't quite sure of. It felt something like sadness, but not quite. It was like a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat trying to jump out at the same time. It was only after I sat with it for a while, and let some of those tears come through that I realized it. I did feel sadness, but not because I was sad we're having a boy. I felt sadness because I know that many people in my life, my family included, value having girls. Many people seem to think that not having a girl is a loss. Many people seem to think that a perfect family is having both sons and daughters. People always seem to want the second baby to be a different gender than the first, and somehow it's a shame if that's not what life gives you. In that moment I realized that what I would hate is seeing that little look of pity and sadness that would show for a flash second in people's eyes when I told them our baby is a boy. I hate to think that will happen - but I know it will.
And I used to be that person, I used to feel that same way, thinking I needed to have a girl and a boy in order to be satisfied. It's something that seems to flow through our culture. Many people have commented to me, "You must be hoping for a girl this time around?" And I've heard so many people say, in so many different ways, that they were "lucky enough" to have one of each. This kind of mindset leads us all to believe that we're somehow "unlucky", or missing something, if that's not what life gives us. And I don't believe that to be true for a second - I know I am blessed just by the sheer joy of getting to love 2 children. And I believe that God knew exactly who was meant to join our family, who our family needed to be complete, so why wouldn't I rejoice in that?
I wonder if part of it has to do with gender stereotypes. There are so many out there that it's hard not to have adopted some of them of our own. Boys are active and get into more trouble. Girls are easier to potty train and talk earlier. Girls are more emotional, etc, etc.
What really gets me is when people start making assumptions about future relationships based on gender. Girls are so nice because you'll have someone to go shopping with. Seriously, what? This one gets my goat the most. Do people really have kids to have a future shopping buddy? And if this is true, no one told my 16-year old brother, who seasonally asks me, and only me, to go shopping with him.
The one that has bothered me, and perhaps worried me, the most is when someone said to me that girls you get to keep forever, whereas with boys you have to let them go. Hearing this early on when I was pregnant with Asher had a big impact on me, and perhaps even more so because many of the grown men I know are not close with their mothers. I'm not sure many of the grown women I know are necessarily close to their mothers either, but whatever the case, I don't want this for my relationships with my sons.
In these moments I'm reminded that the future outcome of my relationship with my children has nothing to do with their gender. Remember that Jesus was very close to His mother throughout His life? My future relationship with my children will be an expression of how I relate to them as children, how I teach and model family values, and how I chose to value and engage with them as adults. This truth I can rely on.
So friends and readers, whether you fall into the camp that believes the perfect family needs a boy and a girl, or not, please know that this is not how I feel. Whatever expression or emotion is revealed in your eyes when hearing this news, know that there will be a twinkle in mine. And that twinkle comes from knowing that our family is exactly as it should be - full of boys for me to love!
Now onto the real dilemma - finding another boys name that I love as much as Asher!
Yesterday we found out the gender of our new baby. It's funny because a part of me has always known who this person would be, who this person is. I think God has been talking to me about this for a while, challenging my assumptions and beliefs, shaking up what I think I want, need, or "should" have. And I'm so glad He brought me on this journey, because I can honestly say that I feel so blessed to just get to have 2 healthy babies; nothing else matters. There have been numerous times where I doubted this would even happen for us. After losing one baby, and the threat of losing this one, I know that this gift is a miracle, and I will always chose to see it that way.
And that dear friends, is why I'd love for you to know that this little miracle still growing inside my belly right now is a beautiful baby boy. Another boy! A brother for Asher! And I couldn't be happier.
The instant I found out that he was a he, I cried. It's always exciting to learn the gender of your baby - whether it's when the baby is born, or early like we've chosen to do. I love my little boy Asher so much that it strains my heart sometimes to have to contain it all. Knowing that I would have another little boy to love like this brought such joy. I've come to learn that there's something really special about a mother-son relationship, and I'm lucky enough to get that twice.
If I'm being honest though, in the few minutes after hearing our news, I felt a bit of something bubbling up that I wasn't quite sure of. It felt something like sadness, but not quite. It was like a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat trying to jump out at the same time. It was only after I sat with it for a while, and let some of those tears come through that I realized it. I did feel sadness, but not because I was sad we're having a boy. I felt sadness because I know that many people in my life, my family included, value having girls. Many people seem to think that not having a girl is a loss. Many people seem to think that a perfect family is having both sons and daughters. People always seem to want the second baby to be a different gender than the first, and somehow it's a shame if that's not what life gives you. In that moment I realized that what I would hate is seeing that little look of pity and sadness that would show for a flash second in people's eyes when I told them our baby is a boy. I hate to think that will happen - but I know it will.
And I used to be that person, I used to feel that same way, thinking I needed to have a girl and a boy in order to be satisfied. It's something that seems to flow through our culture. Many people have commented to me, "You must be hoping for a girl this time around?" And I've heard so many people say, in so many different ways, that they were "lucky enough" to have one of each. This kind of mindset leads us all to believe that we're somehow "unlucky", or missing something, if that's not what life gives us. And I don't believe that to be true for a second - I know I am blessed just by the sheer joy of getting to love 2 children. And I believe that God knew exactly who was meant to join our family, who our family needed to be complete, so why wouldn't I rejoice in that?
I wonder if part of it has to do with gender stereotypes. There are so many out there that it's hard not to have adopted some of them of our own. Boys are active and get into more trouble. Girls are easier to potty train and talk earlier. Girls are more emotional, etc, etc.
What really gets me is when people start making assumptions about future relationships based on gender. Girls are so nice because you'll have someone to go shopping with. Seriously, what? This one gets my goat the most. Do people really have kids to have a future shopping buddy? And if this is true, no one told my 16-year old brother, who seasonally asks me, and only me, to go shopping with him.
The one that has bothered me, and perhaps worried me, the most is when someone said to me that girls you get to keep forever, whereas with boys you have to let them go. Hearing this early on when I was pregnant with Asher had a big impact on me, and perhaps even more so because many of the grown men I know are not close with their mothers. I'm not sure many of the grown women I know are necessarily close to their mothers either, but whatever the case, I don't want this for my relationships with my sons.
In these moments I'm reminded that the future outcome of my relationship with my children has nothing to do with their gender. Remember that Jesus was very close to His mother throughout His life? My future relationship with my children will be an expression of how I relate to them as children, how I teach and model family values, and how I chose to value and engage with them as adults. This truth I can rely on.
So friends and readers, whether you fall into the camp that believes the perfect family needs a boy and a girl, or not, please know that this is not how I feel. Whatever expression or emotion is revealed in your eyes when hearing this news, know that there will be a twinkle in mine. And that twinkle comes from knowing that our family is exactly as it should be - full of boys for me to love!
Now onto the real dilemma - finding another boys name that I love as much as Asher!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A Special Day!
Today my wonderful husband turns 30 years old!
In the word of Asher, "Happy Papa!"
We can't wait to enjoy your 30's with you, Greg. And as I watch Greg right now play trucks with Asher, I'm reminded, I think he's still a big kid at heart!
Friday, April 9, 2010
And this is why it's good to be home...
Asher has been a little sick, and cranky, since Greg and I have been back from our trip. Usually the crankiness rears it's head around suppertime; just when I'm trying to get a meal on the table, our boy decides he needs to be held constantly. So this week we've resorted to using our Baby Hawk carrier a few times. One particular day I went into the bathroom so Asher could see us in the mirror using the carrier. He pointed to himself in the mirror and said "Asher" and he pointed to me in the mirror and said "Mama" - he did this a few times - and then he said "friends".
My heart melted - and this is why it's good to be home.
*Back to the cruise details probably this weekend/early next week - stay tuned!
My heart melted - and this is why it's good to be home.
*Back to the cruise details probably this weekend/early next week - stay tuned!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Cruise Day 4 - Roatan, Honduras
Roatan, Honduras was my favorite day, so it gets a whole blog post of it's own :)
I wasn't sure what to expect when we sailed into Honduras. When I think Honduras, I think 3rd world country - and that doesn't really seem like a Caribbean vacation destination. Come to find out Roatan is an island off the coast of Honduras, and is very different from the mainland. As our cruise ship pulled into port, we saw these rusted out shipwrecks:
It makes sense to me why they're there - the water is so shallow in this area that our cruise line needed to have a local pilot steer us into the dock.
We quickly found our tour bus to get on our schedule shore excursion of the day.
We were driven to a local resort and given access to a private beach for a few hours.
It was really nice to just have a few hours to just walk around and explore with no agenda in mind.
I wasn't sure what to expect when we sailed into Honduras. When I think Honduras, I think 3rd world country - and that doesn't really seem like a Caribbean vacation destination. Come to find out Roatan is an island off the coast of Honduras, and is very different from the mainland. As our cruise ship pulled into port, we saw these rusted out shipwrecks:
It makes sense to me why they're there - the water is so shallow in this area that our cruise line needed to have a local pilot steer us into the dock.
We got off the boat in a port built just by Princess Cruises called Mahogany Bay. It was nice because there wasn't a million other cruise ships and people around like at some of the other ports.
We quickly found our tour bus to get on our schedule shore excursion of the day.
We were driven to a local resort and given access to a private beach for a few hours.
It was really nice to just have a few hours to just walk around and explore with no agenda in mind.
I spent time taking pictures of some of my finds from the day.
I especially liked this old abandoned boat - the colors and textures were amazing. I'm no photographer, but I really like these pictures!
I really wanted to take it home as a keepsake, but Greg pointed out that it would definitely put our luggage over the weight restriction :(
We then moved onto our snorkeling adventure. We needed some lessons - some of us more so than others - since neither of us is experienced.
I wish I had pictures for you of our snorkeling adventure, but we didn't have an underwater camera. I will always remember it as one of the coolest experiences of my life though. With a small group of about 15, we were boated out to a coral reef and shipwreck site. We jumped off the boat with all our snorkel gear and life vests on and were blown away by what we saw.
The coral reef we snorkeled on is the second largest in the world, after the Great Barrier Reef of course, and is called the Belize Barrier Reef. We snorkeled at the beginning portion of this reef. The water was about 60 feet deep in some places, but very shallow in others. You could almost touch the coral, but of course this is strictly off limits as it can kill or damage it. The coral was very cool to see - did you know it's technically classified as an animal and not a plant? But what was even cooler was the fish that call the reef their home. We saw so many different kinds of very colorful fish, and some in larger numbers. It was amazing to snorkel with them, and they often came pretty close to us. It was just amazing and very memorable to hold hands with my husband as we swam through this wonderful place in the warm Caribbean sea, pointing out different things we observed to each other.
We snorkeled over to a shipwreck site, which, come to find out, was placed there on purpose. I guess coral tends to sprout up whenever there is a shipwreck in place, so this barge was placed there to encourage the coral reef and life around the reef to flourish. It was still neat to see this huge boat sunk under water.
Greg and I both loved this experience, which took about an hour in total, and talked about it for most of the day.
The resort was also home to a family of wild white-headed monkey's, and one of them came to visit as we were leaving.
Once we arrived back to the Mahogany Bay, we did some shopping and I bought some wicked local pottery. I wish I could have bought more, because it was beautiful and reasonably priced, but there was that darn weight restriction I had to consider.
Back on the boat I finally got to do some reading on our balcony - something I actually did very little of on our trip, surprisingly.
That night we had another 2-hour dinner and took in one of the production shows called "Motor City". It was a musical tribute to Motown artists, and was just OK to see; I guess everything can't be amazing.
Tomorrow's adventure: Cozumel, Mexico!
I especially liked this old abandoned boat - the colors and textures were amazing. I'm no photographer, but I really like these pictures!
I really wanted to take it home as a keepsake, but Greg pointed out that it would definitely put our luggage over the weight restriction :(
We then moved onto our snorkeling adventure. We needed some lessons - some of us more so than others - since neither of us is experienced.
I wish I had pictures for you of our snorkeling adventure, but we didn't have an underwater camera. I will always remember it as one of the coolest experiences of my life though. With a small group of about 15, we were boated out to a coral reef and shipwreck site. We jumped off the boat with all our snorkel gear and life vests on and were blown away by what we saw.
The coral reef we snorkeled on is the second largest in the world, after the Great Barrier Reef of course, and is called the Belize Barrier Reef. We snorkeled at the beginning portion of this reef. The water was about 60 feet deep in some places, but very shallow in others. You could almost touch the coral, but of course this is strictly off limits as it can kill or damage it. The coral was very cool to see - did you know it's technically classified as an animal and not a plant? But what was even cooler was the fish that call the reef their home. We saw so many different kinds of very colorful fish, and some in larger numbers. It was amazing to snorkel with them, and they often came pretty close to us. It was just amazing and very memorable to hold hands with my husband as we swam through this wonderful place in the warm Caribbean sea, pointing out different things we observed to each other.
We snorkeled over to a shipwreck site, which, come to find out, was placed there on purpose. I guess coral tends to sprout up whenever there is a shipwreck in place, so this barge was placed there to encourage the coral reef and life around the reef to flourish. It was still neat to see this huge boat sunk under water.
Greg and I both loved this experience, which took about an hour in total, and talked about it for most of the day.
The resort was also home to a family of wild white-headed monkey's, and one of them came to visit as we were leaving.
Once we arrived back to the Mahogany Bay, we did some shopping and I bought some wicked local pottery. I wish I could have bought more, because it was beautiful and reasonably priced, but there was that darn weight restriction I had to consider.
Back on the boat I finally got to do some reading on our balcony - something I actually did very little of on our trip, surprisingly.
That night we had another 2-hour dinner and took in one of the production shows called "Motor City". It was a musical tribute to Motown artists, and was just OK to see; I guess everything can't be amazing.
Tomorrow's adventure: Cozumel, Mexico!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Cruise day 1 to 3
Alright, there's so much to tell, and I don't know where to start, so I decided to just start at the beginning. Makes sense, huh? Hopefully through all the ramblings and photos, I'll be able to express all the important details of our trip.
We flew to Fort Lauderdale bright and early Saturday morning, March 27. There were no issues with the flight except for the fact that our luggage was way to heavy. We tried to off load some gear into our carry-on's, but we still had to pay $70 in over weight charges. Sucky! The funny thing is we still had tons of room in the luggage. Anyways, this is us on the airplane. A little tired, nervous and a lot excited!
We finally made it to our boat and we're shocked by how big it was! This picture doesn't do it justice.
The Crown Princess has 19 floors, 4 pools, an outdoor movie theatre, an indoor production theatre, a million hot tubs and lounge chairs, well over half a dozen different restaurants, 3 huge buffets, a couple of night clubs and piano bars, numerous shops, and holds 3200 passengers and 1200 crew. We were happy to get a room with a balcony though - our own little private getaway - and enjoyed the view a lot during the vacation.
Pretty quickly after boarding we had to do an emergency evacuation procedure. This only prompted Greg to goof off with the life vest forever. I, of course, had to pretend not to notice and act annoyed in order to not encourage him.
As we were leaving port in Fort Lauderdale we saw Royal Caribbean's Oasis of the Sea. It's the largest cruise ship in existence and holds twice as many passengers as our ship did. We (read Greg), of course, had to take a million pictures of it.
That night we said good-bye to land - won't be seeing that for a while.
We ate a good meal that night - it regularly took us over 2 hours to get through the 4 courses - and headed to bed fairly early since we had been up since 4:30 AM.
The next day I woke up to this view:
Pretty sweet deal if you ask me! We started our day off with a dip in the hot tub - it rocked!
Rather than fight the crowds for one of the lawn chairs to lay in the sun, we pretty much just tried to figure out our way around the ship for most of the day. We walked around it forever, locating the restaurants, and pools and everything else. We ate lots this day, and Greg especially enjoyed the buffet. LOTS of good treats in there.
It was our first formal night on Sunday so we had to get all dressed up. I don't have a picture because I knew we would get one taken professionally around the boat this night. We did do just that - by the grand staircase, and we looked quite hot - but the photo cost $25 US to buy the one 8x10 and we thought that was a royal rip off. We had a great dinner, this time dining alone rather than joining others. There was also a champagne water fountain and we got to hear the Captain speak (Greg has a major man-crush on him). We went to a SUPER funny comedian this night, and I haven't laughed so hard in a while, especially at the airplane and cruise ship jokes. It was great! We settled in for the night with this as our view:
Seriously, pinch me, huh? It was awesome to sleep with our balcony door open to the sound of the waves.
We went through a bunch of time changes when we were on the cruise - so tough to adjust to - and since we had our first port stop bright and early Monday, I made sure I found the cafe on board. Sweet deal - specialty coffee on my balcony overlooking the Caribbean.
Monday's stop led us to Georgetown, Grand Cayman, part of the Cayman Islands.
We did some shopping and just walking around checking out the town before we got on our guided tour. Our tour driver was interesting, but didn't tell us too many facts. I know there are a lot of banks in the Cayman Islands, and I know there is the famous 7-mile beach as well. The island has lots of sea turtles and sting rays, and lots of rich people since folks pay NO TAX at all there. The island is very flat and dry and has no natural source of spring water, so it all has to get shipped in. The Cayman Islands are under the British monarchy and are also home to an actual place named Hell. We went to the town of Hell, which is basically one street with some shops. Hell got it's name because of the crazy limestone formations in the area - check it out:
Yup, that's Greg and I in Hell. And let me tell you, it was hot!
We had another 2 hour dinner this night and didn't catch much on the entertainment side of things, except for another dip in the hot tub and swim in the pool. We knew we had another time change coming and another early morning on Tuesday for our big trip to Roatan, Honduras.
My reoccurring thoughts and observations of the first 3 days:
- This boat is big
- I'm sweating hot
- I say "eh" a lot
- I miss Asher (I cried usually once a day for the first 3 days because of this)
- The Internet is really slow here
- There is a lot of food, but not necessarily a lot of vegetarian dishes (don't get me wrong, there was always food for me to eat, but often at dinner I had only one or two choices whereas Greg had about 8 - and atleast a couple of them seafood)
- There are a lot of rich people here from the States
- There are a lot of teens on this boat for Spring Break
- Man I wish I could have a glass of wine
- I like my husband
- Yum, chocolates on my pillow case every night!
- Taking the tender boats ashore when we can't dock makes me sea sick
- While I haven't felt sea sick at all on the boat, I am always aware that I am on a boat with the constant little movements and rocking
- Free room service rocks
- The staff on this boat are really multi-cultural, and seem to work quite a bit (Ricardo, the dude who took care of our room 2-3 times per day, worked every day we were on the boat)
Stay tuned for the next update probably in a few days - the best is yet to come!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)