As I sit here at 7 AM, my baby is still sleeping. Still sleeping from when I put him to bed last night and he HAS NOT WOKEN UP ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!! Shut the front door, it must be a dream. I'm so excited right now! Thank you God!
Here's hoping this is the start of something beautiful!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Unfiltered
I feel like in my heart there are words that want to come out, but I don't know what they are, or how to find them. I don't know how to be much more than a mom and a housekeeper these days, it seems.
What I do want to say is that life has been tough these days, in my own little world. There are cracks forming in parts of my life that were smooth and comfortable. I don't like this.
I am not always the mom I want to be. I lose my patience, I raise my voice, I am short-tempered, I tune-out, I am frustrated, and I respond out of that place. Things that I thought I knew, I all of a sudden don't. The job of mothering is so much harder than I ever knew possible. It takes all of me, and then still requires more, even when I don't have it to give. I somehow have to dig energy and care and infinite patience out of somewhere and put my best face on. These kids deserve it, but I don't always have it.
In my spirit I am struggling big time with envy. It's breaking me. Envy over how quickly and early some other kids seem to potty train and crawl and sleep through the night. Envy over things that other people have that I think I need. Envy over relationships, time, money, looks, trips, houses ... the list goes on. My pastors sermon message this week on entitlement really hit home - I know this is an issue for me. I'm trying to be thankful and grateful and keep in perspective all the blessings I do have, but envy is still living inside of me. I try to keep it under control, but it's cracking through the exterior.
I'm tired. I have bad days. This is one of them.
What I do want to say is that life has been tough these days, in my own little world. There are cracks forming in parts of my life that were smooth and comfortable. I don't like this.
I am not always the mom I want to be. I lose my patience, I raise my voice, I am short-tempered, I tune-out, I am frustrated, and I respond out of that place. Things that I thought I knew, I all of a sudden don't. The job of mothering is so much harder than I ever knew possible. It takes all of me, and then still requires more, even when I don't have it to give. I somehow have to dig energy and care and infinite patience out of somewhere and put my best face on. These kids deserve it, but I don't always have it.
In my spirit I am struggling big time with envy. It's breaking me. Envy over how quickly and early some other kids seem to potty train and crawl and sleep through the night. Envy over things that other people have that I think I need. Envy over relationships, time, money, looks, trips, houses ... the list goes on. My pastors sermon message this week on entitlement really hit home - I know this is an issue for me. I'm trying to be thankful and grateful and keep in perspective all the blessings I do have, but envy is still living inside of me. I try to keep it under control, but it's cracking through the exterior.
I'm tired. I have bad days. This is one of them.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Thankful Thursday
This has been a tough week for me, for many, many reasons. In the middle of these kinds of weeks I know it's even more important for me to express my gratitude, even though no part of me wants to do that. Finding the silver lining, I guess. I need a change in perspective.
So this week I am thankful for...
... the middle of the night cuddles and nursing sessions with my baby; I know that one day I will miss this precious time.
... feeling tired, for it reminds me how important rest is.
... getting to make Levi's baby food from scratch, for I know exactly what is going into his system.
... tantrums and challenges with Asher, for through that we get to talk about feelings, and learn how to problem solve. This is the important stuff of life, I know.
... getting to demonstrate to Asher that I am not perfect, and I too need to apologize when I do something wrong.
... this week when Asher said, "I'm so frustrated because I want that toy and I can't have it". Atleast the boy can verbalize that.
... the book I'm reading on Restorative Justice; it's helping me in parenting - who knew!
... Asher's long road to becoming potty trained, for through that I am learning patience, persistence, and practicing how to love my child unconditionally.
... Asher pooping in the potty 3 times this week!
... quick and easy suppers!
... a TV at my kitchen computer - it makes the time of cooking supper pass a little quicker.
... my amazing support network of friends - I number of who connected with me after my rough day on Monday. I couldn't make it through this parenthood journey without their listening ear, and perspective sharing.
... kids eating free at Montana's on Tuesdays!
... seeing my grandmother hold my son - nothing cooler than that.
... surprising my mom for her 50th birthday party!
... watching my mom cry as she looked through the scrapbook I made her as a gift - nothing more rewarding.
So this week I am thankful for...
... the middle of the night cuddles and nursing sessions with my baby; I know that one day I will miss this precious time.
... feeling tired, for it reminds me how important rest is.
... getting to make Levi's baby food from scratch, for I know exactly what is going into his system.
... tantrums and challenges with Asher, for through that we get to talk about feelings, and learn how to problem solve. This is the important stuff of life, I know.
... getting to demonstrate to Asher that I am not perfect, and I too need to apologize when I do something wrong.
... this week when Asher said, "I'm so frustrated because I want that toy and I can't have it". Atleast the boy can verbalize that.
... the book I'm reading on Restorative Justice; it's helping me in parenting - who knew!
... Asher's long road to becoming potty trained, for through that I am learning patience, persistence, and practicing how to love my child unconditionally.
... Asher pooping in the potty 3 times this week!
... quick and easy suppers!
... a TV at my kitchen computer - it makes the time of cooking supper pass a little quicker.
... my amazing support network of friends - I number of who connected with me after my rough day on Monday. I couldn't make it through this parenthood journey without their listening ear, and perspective sharing.
... kids eating free at Montana's on Tuesdays!
... seeing my grandmother hold my son - nothing cooler than that.
... surprising my mom for her 50th birthday party!
... watching my mom cry as she looked through the scrapbook I made her as a gift - nothing more rewarding.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Thankful Thursday
I love quotes. Something about a little bit a truth wrapped up in pretty words makes me happy! Each day I receive an email quote in regards to grateful living, and I love reading them. Here are a few from the past week or two that have stuck with me;
"Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps"
David Lloyd George
"Fulfilled life is possible in spite of unfulfilled wishes"
Deitrich Bonhoeffer
"Nothing is a waste of time if you use your experience wisely"
Auguste Rodin
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)